Yesterday was my birthday. Birthday requires someone else cooking for me. I tried to go out for sushi last night. I wound up getting no dragon on my dragon roll. My waitress refused to make eye contact with me...as in not even walk by my table, so I hobbled up to the sushi chef counter, plate in hand:
"Hey buddy, you wanna slap some dragon on here? This is not what I ordered."
"Is too dragon roll, IS TOO, see green on top and happy face and dragon shape?"
"There is supposed to be DRAGON (smoked eel) in a dragon roll ...PUT SOME ON IT." (I caught myself speaking louder, as English was not his first language, nor was it Japanese. I realized my subtle nuance in English was lost on the poor F-er, but I cannot seem to stop it from coming out of my mouth. I was hoping my accompanying facial expressions would carry the day.)
"No... see (he points with a stick) dragon INSIDE roll, see little line of black under cucumber?
"That, my friend, is a sheet of seaweed paper, (I dig the little blackish rectangle out of the roll with my own set of sticks.) trust me, I know seaweed from eel. Would you like me to come back there and roll my own? I can roll up a big fattie like nobody's bidness! Where is the manager?"
He stamped his little foot and stalked off. Then things got worse. There was much hissing, spitting and scratching, but in the end, the uneaten rice, avocado, cucumber,and seaweed paper roll went unpaid for, good thing too, since it was an exorbitant price for what was essentially a VEGAN sushi roll. How dare they try to pass that crap off on me? It was a mistake upon which I called the tiny douchbag, and dared to insult his sushi chefiness, which he had so richly earned. I insulted him again by refusing to tip him..The manager tried to "make it better" by constantly rubbing my arm. Tsk, how slimy! No, you silly twat, you make it better by chastising that sushi asshole, you make it better by explaining his own menu to him and what each item means. You make it better by not making me pay for this plate of shit you just served me and that I didn't eat! UGH. And a good time was had by all. Sheesh. Thumbs down for Fuji.
If I see them on the street, I shall insult them a second time!
If I have another birthday, I will order a whole cake just for me, and eat it by myself at home. I have the worst luck ever when it comes to restaurants.
Yikes, cant get a break even on your birthday with a simple meal. What sort of "Planet of the Apes" place has this country become??? Jw
ReplyDeleteQuote from original Planet of the Apes: (This is the only one to which I ascribe!)
DeleteHonorious: Tell us, why are all apes created equal?
George Taylor: Some apes, it seems, are more equal than others.
<3 you, JW