Hooked on Bennies

Almost anyone with an ongoing serious illness knows that contracting an infection of some sort, will make the symptoms of the existing condition much worse.  The same is true for an extreme allergy attack. What this means for me, in my weakened state, is that a common cold can very easily kill me without the proper intervention and treatment.  Over the past month I got a double whammy.

The massive eye infections I was having turned out to be a drug reaction. During the Queen's flotilla I started with giant hives.  MISERABLE!  The first call I made was to Dr. Whackadoo regarding the hives, since   he had dispensed the most recent prescriptions I have, PLUS I know I should not just stop taking all the heart meds I take.  The orders were to stop everything and take Benedryl, so I stopped taking Whackadoo's scripts. Yes, my allergic reactions stopped, but what ensued was massive drug withdrawal.  I wound up in the ER last Wednesday, since I was certain I was dying.  I was absolutely frantic.

I had never before had a problem just stopping opiates/opioids.  The problem, by process of elimination, turned out to be lorazepam, AKA "bennies"... apparently one should never just STOP taking this drug.  I am going to have to wean off over a period of months.  I have been taking it for more than a year. Many of my so called *physical symptoms* are actually side effects of lorazepam. To my horror, I read that withdrawal from this drug can last up to a year and some are never able to successfully stop taking it. I also read that withdrawal symptoms can be life threatening, especially if the individual is not basically healthy. ::sniff::  The hospital sent me home with a script for lorazepam in a higher dose.

I was originally prescribed this drug by the cardiologist who stopped saying "You're going to be OK," quite some time ago.  I have a death sentence hanging over my head--an agonizing one.  Wound pain has returned....oh probably threefold (on a scale of 1-10 I am at 27.)  Can't take a breath without wanting to scream.  I wonder how long I can last like this? This is the first day I have been fully lucid. I am not certain lucidity is the best option.