Pain, Robbery and Random Murders

Doing anything I can to keep my mind off searing pain - so, yeah the first thing that comes to mind is gobbling up any drug that is available to me (which is next to nothing) and blogging.  What is wrong with me?

Can't get into the PCP until tomorrow. I'm nearly out of my mind.  I am now almost certain I have an infection somewhere in my chest.  Not a cough, cold or flu kind of infection, but some kind of horrible thing surrounding my chest incision and what lurks beneath it.  The area is inflamed and actually hotter to the touch than the rest of my skin.  Still have fever of around 100 while taking fever reducing drugs, namely Tylenol and aspirin.  I have had constant fever since November 29, when I visited the new Neurologist (might have had it before then, but wasn't keeping track)

Since then I've been waiting for the shoe to drop - waiting for some obvious sign of sickness to appear but nothing really has.  I've had a headache the whole time.  A couple days when I was kinda stuffy, but not really anything I'd call a cold or flu.  Just general blah sick feeling--nothing I can pinpoint, and just a little worse every day.  If I think about it too hard I might get stuck in one of those worry/crying loops to which I'm prone. I have to rest my bleedy fingers, so no guitar until at least tomorrow.  So I think it's time to digress...

Three people died in Memphis today while being robbed.  I don't get it.  WTF do you have that is worth being killed for?  Absolutely NOTHING.  Give it to them.  If someone is holding you up for money, give them everything you have.  Dammit, if they look hungry while they're doing it, make them a god damned sandwich!  (Addendum: I should clarify, these were store robberies.)

I have personally said this more than once, "I will give you more than you can EVER steal from me, all you have to do is ask."  Fucking idiots.  If they DO try to steal from me, they will get dog bites and gunshot wounds, and a punch in the snoot.  If they ask, they can have the shirt off my back.

Piss & Vinegar

It just dawned on me today that I spend a lot of time being scared lately.  Like terrified scared.  Of course since I found out I had a shitty heart my whole friggin world has been turned upside down.  Now I find out I'll probably be losing my insurance, or at least the *good* insurance.  I'll still have medicare, which totally sucks on its own and gets you practically nothing.

Tomorrow I have a date with a CT machine for my screamy hurty boobs.  Honestly they feel like two big old achy teeth that are badly in need of root canals.  I still find bras to be nothing but implements of torture. I can barely stand to move my arms or put on a damned shirt.

WTF is gonna happen to me with no insurance?  I take 15 different drugs a day, and apparently there's something wrong with my boobs that has yet to be addressed.  How the hell am I supposed to buy drugs? Especially the stupid cholesterol drugs that cost a skillion dollars each?  How am I supposed to fix my screamy boobs?

Dammit, I knew I should have moved to Canada about twenty years ago when I used to be full of piss and vinegar.  Now I'm just full of piss.

Jabs

Today I got an 8-tube round of  blood tests for Dr. Whackadoo. Oh, and while I was there I got a flu shot.  And I'll be damned, I had to settle up a bill of $98something to get that *free* frikkin flu shot. Deductibles suck. 

I see Dr. Nutjob "No Fly List" on Oct 5, and Dr. Whackadoo on Oct 11. 
If I don't get SOME kind of drug from either one of them there will be wrath.  I'm tired of being dicked around, dammit.  I am tired of not being able to DO anything physical because some asshole can't write the right prescription.  FFS I can't even take a shower anymore - shower water actually hurts me.  I have got to find someone to help me and it's got to be soon.  DAMMIT.

&$#@)*?%**&^#@

I am becoming more and more agitated that I can't reach the doctor, or the doctor's nurse, or anybody who gives a damn, for that matter.  The thought comes to mind that they are blowing me off because I need pain pills.  They could also be blowing me off because I've become their "squeeky wheel."  Too damned bad, because I intend to squeek for as long as it takes.  There is not enough WD-40 in the world to shut me up, dammit.

The older and weaker I get I notice the longer something like this takes to get done.  Ten years ago, they would have been kowtowing at my feet.  Sweet Jesus on a pony...I wonder how much disrespect I'd get if I was an actual senior citizen.

If I thought I could actually sit in a chair for 10 hours a day, I'd go apply to be their office manager.  Wouldn't they all just shit golden bricks at the mere thought?

Ok, 46 minutes on the phone has gotten me nowhere.  It's time to get dressed--yes, that means putting on the torturous bra, to go there in person.  More later if I make it back in one piece.


10:52 AM
YAY  just as I was walking out the door, my phone rang.  How fortuitous. The nurse agreed with me, that Ultram and antidepressants don't mix, causing what's called serotonin syndrome and major seizure risk. DOH! how many people have they given this combination to before me, since I'm apparently the first one to notice its ill effects?  WTF?

Bad news, the doctor is out of town this week, so will have to fax a pain script from wheverever he is.  Who knows how long that'll take. I have a feeling it won't be today.  In the meantime they are working to get me into a pain specialist.

I have a sudden urge to go door to door and see what kind of pain pills exist in the neighborhood and would they be willing to part with them for a small fee.  On the other hand, my neighbors wouldn't lend me a cup of water if I was ON FIRE.  I guess I'll be staying inside, miserable and braless.