I saw an Orthopedic Surgeon today about my hip. He and I had one of the most ridiculous conversations I've ever had with a health professional.
After reviewing the skillion Xrays from the ER that were taken yesterday, he says in his sing-song-Apu-of-the-Simpsons voice, "I see a collection of fluid. I don't see a crack in the knob but that doesn't mean there isn't one there. If we were to take an MRI today, I might would see a crack. We would also see that your knob is even more filled with fluid." Despite pretty intense pain, I am trying to not snicker.
He told me that even if it is bruised/injured and not an actual break, it will still take as long as an actual break to heal. He is saying it is more than likely a hairline fracture, and since there is no actual separation of bony parts, surgery or pinning is not needed, but I absolutely cannot fall on it again, especially while it's trying to heal.
He continues, "I fully expect your knob to be swollen for at least 6 weeks." He says this and the ONLY thing I can think of is, "But the TV says it's a medical emergency if my knob is swollen for more than 4 hours." -.-
So I have a pain drug assortment. (Dr. Whackadoo can go to Hell.) A really interesting thing about pain is that the brain picks out the most accute pain and kind of focuses your attention on that pain - making any other pains not seem so bad in comparison. My ribs still hurt like hell on the left, since I landed on them too, but I'm not really noticing any sternum pain or general chest wall pain unless I have to cough or something. The vein graft donation site seems to be virtually pain free at the moment--very interesting indeed, especially since that is the leg that both has to bear all the weight and has the swelling problem.
I'm supposed to stay off the injured knob leg as much as I can, which is easier said than done. You never realize how much you use an ass knob until you no longer have one to use. I can't sit on it. I can't lay on it. It's a stabby hideous pain if I put my foot on the floor and worse if it bears any weight...and worst of all, it is a direct ass knob hit on any toilet seat. *sigh* I'm kinda hopping/dragging/limping around on the old-style aluminum walker.
Incidentally, this doctor also told me today that yogis refer to the part I call "ass knobs" as "sit knobs." The part I'm talking about is the ball part of the ball and socket hip joint. It probably has a real name, but I can't seem to find it, and anyway, I much prefer the term "ass knob."
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
OK DAMMIT - DECISION TIME
Difficult to walk/bear weight. Impossible to sit. Leg turning outward, and of course hurty, really really hurty. No bruising, but swelling. And my entire body hurts, not just my ass/hip. Ribs on that side are again a nightmare.
If at all possible I'm going to try to wait until my primary doc opens tomorrow to get an xray. That way I won't have to pay the huge ER co-pay from my shitty insurance co-pay rule.
If I HAVE to go to the ER at least I can drive, since this is on my left side and my driving leg still works. GAHHHHH.
If at all possible I'm going to try to wait until my primary doc opens tomorrow to get an xray. That way I won't have to pay the huge ER co-pay from my shitty insurance co-pay rule.
If I HAVE to go to the ER at least I can drive, since this is on my left side and my driving leg still works. GAHHHHH.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
OWW MY ASS KNOBS
I fell today. In my own bathroom. I had just bent down to plug the drain to the tub, attempted to stand back up, lost my balance and went over backwards. I landed on my left ass knob.
When I say "ass knobs" that's exactly what I mean. I have absolutely zero fat or muscle on my ass. All that's there is bone. So I guess an ass knob is actually a femoral head - the top of the thigh that fits into the hip socket. It hurts, but not an awful kind of hurt like I broke something. It feels about like a badly barked shin...throbby. So now I have the heating pad and advil to keep me company the rest of the night, but dammit to hell, like I needed another pain on top of what I already have. I expect to be extra sore all over tomorrow, but I think I'm ok. I should know by the morning if there's something bad wrong.
Shit. I have the worst luck in the world. If I had to fall down, why the hell couldn't it be at the mall or someplace else other than my own house? Hrmph.
When I say "ass knobs" that's exactly what I mean. I have absolutely zero fat or muscle on my ass. All that's there is bone. So I guess an ass knob is actually a femoral head - the top of the thigh that fits into the hip socket. It hurts, but not an awful kind of hurt like I broke something. It feels about like a badly barked shin...throbby. So now I have the heating pad and advil to keep me company the rest of the night, but dammit to hell, like I needed another pain on top of what I already have. I expect to be extra sore all over tomorrow, but I think I'm ok. I should know by the morning if there's something bad wrong.
Shit. I have the worst luck in the world. If I had to fall down, why the hell couldn't it be at the mall or someplace else other than my own house? Hrmph.
Friday, October 28, 2011
TACTICAL SHOOTING & OTHER LOST ARTS
Gee, another week without pain relief. Don't know if I'll make it to the zombie shoot or not this weekend. It would be fun, but I just feel like crap.
There's no Fn way I can put a shotgun on my shoulder for starters--I had planned to shoot from the hip. The fuckers there don't believe I can do it, claiming I'd just shoot the ceiling. After being laughed at, I had this urgent need to shove a headless zombie target up some range employee's ass, and truly planned to be there.
Btw, I can also shoot over my shoulder and under my arm. I just cannot wait until my friggin chest heals so I can go to that range and show various doofuses a thing or two. A few St. Louis friends have seen what I can do with firearms, so I'm not just blowing rainbows up any one's ass here, dammit!
Ha! O they of little faith! They should see what I can do with a whip. Not kidding. Indiana Jones wishes he had my mad whip skills! In fact, at one time I could probably have taken a whip to a gunfight and won. Also not kidding.
I have international witnesses for the whip skills. These are not just *tricks* I know, using a whip without actually killing someone or permanently maiming them in the process takes considerable skill, or just hitting a tiny target and nothing else, takes that same skill. It also takes considerable upper body strength to throw a long whip, or even a short one over a long period of time--strength I no longer have with a broken chest. Hell, I don't even have enough upper body strength to do a lot of leash work with the dog.
I don't know what's gonna happen to me. I miss the things I used to do. I miss the people I used to know. I feel helpless and useless, tired and broken. I hurt - this heart thing has hurt me more than anything else ever has. I'm not talking about just physical pain, of which there is plenty. It has hurt my entire being.
There's no Fn way I can put a shotgun on my shoulder for starters--I had planned to shoot from the hip. The fuckers there don't believe I can do it, claiming I'd just shoot the ceiling. After being laughed at, I had this urgent need to shove a headless zombie target up some range employee's ass, and truly planned to be there.
Btw, I can also shoot over my shoulder and under my arm. I just cannot wait until my friggin chest heals so I can go to that range and show various doofuses a thing or two. A few St. Louis friends have seen what I can do with firearms, so I'm not just blowing rainbows up any one's ass here, dammit!
Ha! O they of little faith! They should see what I can do with a whip. Not kidding. Indiana Jones wishes he had my mad whip skills! In fact, at one time I could probably have taken a whip to a gunfight and won. Also not kidding.
I have international witnesses for the whip skills. These are not just *tricks* I know, using a whip without actually killing someone or permanently maiming them in the process takes considerable skill, or just hitting a tiny target and nothing else, takes that same skill. It also takes considerable upper body strength to throw a long whip, or even a short one over a long period of time--strength I no longer have with a broken chest. Hell, I don't even have enough upper body strength to do a lot of leash work with the dog.
I don't know what's gonna happen to me. I miss the things I used to do. I miss the people I used to know. I feel helpless and useless, tired and broken. I hurt - this heart thing has hurt me more than anything else ever has. I'm not talking about just physical pain, of which there is plenty. It has hurt my entire being.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Purple Boobs & a Pain in my Ass
I stopped taking Trileptal today, which was the epilepsy drug that was supposed to help nerve pain via Dr. Whackadoo, the pain specialist. It did nothing for my pain, but did provide me with a host of very unpleasant side effects. I am supposed to call them in a week after the drug has had a chance to clear my system, and then I guess he'll give me something else. Ya know, for a pain doctor he has done absolutely nothing to help my pain. Except give me a bigger pain -- IN MY ASS.
When I first started this whole heart business, I noticed on EVERY medical building there is a large decal that cannot be missed, right at eye height on the front door. "NO FIREARMS ALLOWED IN THIS BUILDING." This has happened since they modified the relatively recent concealed carry laws.
I can fully understand why these decals are there now, because I have met Dr. Whackadoo, and can easily see why some people might want to turn his face into hamburger meat.
BTW my screamy boobs really hurt, dammit. I'm calling the boob people tomorrow morning, since I just can't wait any longer for results without having a brain stem injury first.
When I first started this whole heart business, I noticed on EVERY medical building there is a large decal that cannot be missed, right at eye height on the front door. "NO FIREARMS ALLOWED IN THIS BUILDING." This has happened since they modified the relatively recent concealed carry laws.
I can fully understand why these decals are there now, because I have met Dr. Whackadoo, and can easily see why some people might want to turn his face into hamburger meat.
BTW my screamy boobs really hurt, dammit. I'm calling the boob people tomorrow morning, since I just can't wait any longer for results without having a brain stem injury first.
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