My Swollen Knob and Other Fresh Pains in the Ass

I saw an Orthopedic Surgeon today about my hip.  He and I had one of the most ridiculous conversations I've ever had with a health professional. 

After reviewing the skillion Xrays from the ER that were taken yesterday, he says in his sing-song-Apu-of-the-Simpsons voice, "I see a collection of fluid.  I don't see a crack in the knob but that doesn't mean there isn't one there.  If we were to take an MRI today, I might would see a crack.  We would also see that your knob is even more filled with fluid."  Despite pretty intense pain, I am trying to not snicker.

He told me that even if it is bruised/injured and not an actual break, it will still take as long as an actual break to heal. He is saying it is more than likely a hairline fracture, and since there is no actual separation of bony parts, surgery or pinning is not needed, but I absolutely cannot fall on it again, especially while it's trying to heal.

He continues, "I fully expect your knob to be swollen for at least 6 weeks."  He says this and the ONLY thing I can think of is, "But the TV says it's a medical emergency if my knob is swollen for more than 4 hours."  -.-

So I have a pain drug assortment.  (Dr. Whackadoo can go to Hell.)  A really interesting thing about pain is that the brain picks out the most accute pain and kind of focuses your attention on that pain - making any other pains not seem so bad in comparison.  My ribs still hurt like hell on the left, since I landed on them too, but I'm not really noticing any sternum pain or general chest wall pain unless I have to cough or something.  The vein graft donation site seems to be virtually pain free at the moment--very interesting indeed, especially since that is the leg that both has to bear all the weight and has the swelling problem.

I'm supposed to stay off the injured knob leg as much as I can, which is easier said than done.  You never realize how much you use an ass knob until you no longer have one to use.  I can't sit on it.  I can't lay on it.  It's a stabby hideous pain if I put my foot on the floor and worse if it bears any weight...and worst of all, it is a direct ass knob hit on any toilet seat.  *sigh*  I'm kinda hopping/dragging/limping around on the old-style aluminum walker.

Incidentally, this doctor also told me today that yogis refer to the part I call "ass knobs" as "sit knobs."  The part I'm talking about is the ball part of the ball and socket hip joint. It probably has a real name, but I can't seem to find it, and anyway, I much prefer the term "ass knob."