Mayo

I am a big mayonnaise eater from way back.  I prefer Hellman's from about 10 years ago, before they decided to model themselves after Kraft and their texture got runnier and sloppier.  Blegh.

I like a good, premium mayonnaise.  The kind for which one must pay $5 per pint, if it can be had at all.  If you feed me home-made mayonnaise I will follow you around like a puppy every day for the rest of your life, never leaving your side, merely waiting for another taste of said mayonnaise.

Light mayonnaise saddens me.  There is something about it that is decidedly off--namely that they have replaced most of the oil with water and left out the egg entirely.  ::insert vomiting noises here::

Good old mayo is on the list of foods I must never never ever have.  DAMMIT!  The list gives the tip, "use mustard or catsup instead."  WTF? I suppose the list maker never tried to make tuna salad with catsup, or tartar sauce with grey poupon. What could they have been thinking? What could have possessed them?

But what if I have just a teeny little dab of mayonnaise on my tuna or turkey sandwich? Because teeny dabs turn into middle-sized dabs which turn into entire heaping tablespoons.  *sigh*

This also means I will never again be able to have one of my all time favorite sandwiches: The Arkansas Roundsteak:  A slice of bologna fried crisp, topped by a slice of melted american cheese, served on two slices of white bread and finished off with a generous slather of REAL mayonnaise.  Hrmph.