Drugs Like Gold

I went to Walgreen's to drop off my pain script, and had planned to go into Walmart to get a few tasteless food items while I was waiting for Walgreen's to diddle my pills. 

The Script was for 60 oxy 1 or 2 every 6 hours as needed for pain.  They wouldn't let me have them.  They said I couldn't have them until the 29th.  That's 4 days from now.  SOMEBODY miscounted.  It wasn't me.  I have 4 pills left. That's one a day. *sigh*

What the hell am I supposed to do until then?  Just lay on my bed and writhe around?  Go find a heroin dealer?  WTF? I am not making another trip to the stupid ER because somebody doesn't know how to count pain pills. If I took my gold to one of those melty-down-yer-gold places, do you think they might give me pain pills in trade?

I went into Walmart to regroup.  It's across the highway about about 1/4 mile down.  I bought a bag of half-sized potato buns.  I selected 2 greenish bananas, 4 white flesh peaches (which I love dearly) I felt up all the grapes but was unimpressed. And that's when I lost it. 

I started to cry next to the grapes. I cried all the way back to the frozen food where I selected a single serving Marie Calendar's White Cheddar Mac & Cheese, grabbed a 12 pack of Coke Zero, and hurried to the checkout area, head down, trying to not make any sobbing sounds like I usually do, and of course had a fist full of snotrags at the ready, to snort into if needed.

I tried as best as I could to make no eye contact.  I paid with my debit card, sobbing, quietly sobbing. Took my basket to the car, loaded up my few purchases in the back, got in the front seat, turned on the motor and the a/c and just laid there with my head on the steering wheel, my eyes pouring tears.

And suddenly something just occurred to me.  If I'm dying I ought to be able to have a fucking cookie if I want one.  I ought to be able to have a whole fucking GROSS of cookies if I wanted.


I should be able to have a nice rib eye steak, and a nice potato with butter and sour fucking cream if I wanted.  Instead of whole wheat pasta with shit-flavor wet ashes sauce on it.


I should be able to have a piece of cake, or some pie, or whatever the hell I want. I should be able to have the WHOLE cake, if I want the whole damned cake.  Fuck the one piece of cake.  I want the whole damned cake.  And my cake better have some icing roses on it, dammit!  ::sniff::