Wrath for the Pain Doctor

The pain management guy is giving me a huge pain in the ass by not calling me back. You know I have nothing whatsoever to do all day except stew.  You'd think people would notice that and get right back to me. I've been stewing over this guy since Tuesday, and four phone calls.  So far the best plan I've come up with involves riding the escalator behind him exactly 3 steps.

There I was all happy about the prospect of going to stupid Macy's or Dillard's.  Let's be realistic for a second, dammit.  What am I buying when I get there?  a new nightgown perhaps? Whatever damned thing I'm gonna be buried in?

I can imagine the conversation with the alterations guy:  "I want you to put snaps all up and down the back, 'cause..uh....somebody else is gonna be dressing me, and for whatever reason they prefer their snaps in the back."  *eyeroll*

 If I do decide to go on a *shroud* buying spree I don't think I'd be able to stop crying. Maybe I should just to go to Hobby Lobby: "Give me 7 yards of linen.  That oughta do it, thanks. Oh, and I'll be needing a spool of Jute twine. 

For a long time I ascribed to to the Klingon thoughts on burial:  My body is but an empty shell, do with it what you will. But that assumes a whole damned tribe of Klingons is standing around wondering what the hell to do with my body. Although I still agree that yes, my body is but an empty shell, there won't be any Klingons planting me, nor will there be any ready to jettison me out of the nearest hatch.  I better come up with a more realistic plan.

Think they'd be let me be buried at Cahokia Mounds State Park in Cahokia, Illinois?  I can remember being very impressed with the Mounds when I was a little kid.  They have a crappy little museum filled with stuff they've dug up over the years.  Nothing too impressive, but it's fairly obvious it is dying for wont of government money.  I think about all they get in funding these days is enough to keep the grass mowed.  Bastards.  The white people have honored the Mississippian culture more with the painting of the giant Piasa (Pie-a-saw) on the quarry wall next to the Missisippi up in Alton.  An impressive sight if you're ever riding up along that way.

I want to be buried with my boots on. That's the only request I have really.  BOOTS ON.  The funeral people will protest.  I don't give a shit.  BOOTS ON.  Oh, and any litle oak boxes you find containing ashes of dogs.  Keep in mind the boots make me 6'3" so remember that when picking out a box.  Oh what the hell, I guess I could go box shopping. I wonder if they let you lay in them to try them on?  I hear you can order them from Costco these days - have to look into that.  You think Chinese caskets come anywhere close to 6'3" in size lol?